Definitions
by Fran Fiction
Summary: "Another way of phrasing my 'falling in love' with Will was 'pressing a loaded gun to my temple'; these two phrases were synonymous. He would be the death of me, but if that were to be the case I planned on dying many times between now and then." - Hannibal reflects on his growing affections for Will.


Definitions

The definition of love is as follows-

_**i) noun**_

_[mass noun]_

1) a strong feeling of affection: _babies fill parents with intense feelings of love their _**_love for_**_ their country_

2) a strong feeling of affection and sexual attraction for someone: _they were both _**_in love with_**_ her we were slowly _**_falling in love_**

3) affectionate greetings conveyed to someone on one's behalf: _give her my love_

4) a formula for ending an affectionate letter: _take care, lots of love, Judy_

This I assure you is wrong. The answer to my quandary is neither one, two, three nor four. You are undefinable.

Another way of phrasing 'falling in love' was 'pressing a loaded gun to my temple'; these two phrases were synonymous. He would be the death of me but if that were to be the case I planned on dying many times between now and then. These will be sweet deaths.

While you are denied from me, I long for you: this forbidden fruit; seductive, heady but unaware of its own draw. I am not the kind of person who would miss an appointment to catch a glimpse of you as you leave the house but I do so nevertheless. I'd wait outside all night; all predetation forgotten if I thought you'd stand on your front porch in the morning, I'd stand downwind if only to try and sense more of you.

If I dreamt, I'd dream of you.

Desire is always a kind of invention. It is a biological process which blurs rationality. Desire re-invents familiar bonds, corroding the old ones that were previously so solid and safe. These new tenuous cords of elastic, created by our desire, coil us closer but with each merger they fray slightly. This is why one night stands never work, there are no other bonds for security.

I am your stalker, your psychopath, the one whose fantasy is out of control. Desiring someone who has no desire for you is a clue to the nature of this all-consuming fantasy; it has much more to do with me than it has to do with you. Love is inherently selfish. You are the object of my desire. You are an object to be possessed, obtained, studies and shelved- but I will not shelve you. In this love I am the subject. I am the I.

You buried yourself within the ashes of my heart, in the burnt out shell of my once lost affections. There you planted a weed and with cupped hands and soft word nurtured it till the vines climbed over the walls of my heart. Now when you glance my way the vines grow more, they tighten and cause me a pain, here. You walked into the room… our eyes met… my heart faltered… and fell.

It is safe to say that overwhelming desire for another person involves a good deal of projection. I don't believe in love at first sight but I do believe in desire at first sight. And nothing feels more like life than desire. I am an addict. Everyone knows it; the surge in the blood, cocaine-high. Desire is shamanistic, trance-like, ecstatic. It is savage and primal it addresses the monster within me directly, challenging it, reining it, riding it.

Desire for you fills my mind cluttering the neatly stacked collection of thoughts in my head. In this quiet corner of my world you invite the jumbled packed, bloated, noisy world, chaotic, exotic and oh so addictive. I think of you and little else, and so I realise how absurd and wasteful are most of the things that I do. Body, mind, effort, are concentrated in your image. The fragmented state of ordinary life at last becomes coherent. No longer scattered through time and space, I am collected in one place, and that place is you. You are my obsession and I will possess every cell of you, every breath of yours: in one way or another.

Simple. Perfect.

Until it goes wrong.

Desire is transformed into love, it is no longer a want you are a need. Language gives me away; my feet will no longer touch the tightly packed earth. In the limbo of your affections reality and realism does not exist. To alleviate the pain, the boredom, the wait, this yearning clench in my lower muscles- I long to hear you voice: condemn me, hate me, love me. Love me.

I am dammed

CALIBAN:

You taught me language and my profit on't is

I know how to curse. The red plague rid you

For learning me you language.

But in the end you are neither Miranda nor Prospero, you are more eternal. I cannot kill you because you are necessary to my existence, you are the ground I walk upon, the rolling tempest above my head. I cannot consume you because it is I that has been consumed- we are so much more than love- you are my island.

* * *

Please review, I would really appreciate it. Hearing feedback can really make an authors day and help to improve their work. Also toying with the idea of writing something similar from Will's perspective, thoughts?

A word about the piece to dismiss some of the ambiguity behind the words: Hannibal realises he carries some affection for Will beyond the purely aesthetic, unusual for a sociopath, he tries to fist logically label his feelings into a quantifiable definition (hence the dictionary definition) but as the piece progresses he realises what he feel for Will is non-definable, it is something unique. Which frightens Hannibal and at the same time gives him more passion than he has felt for a long time- his ending words are directly different to the previous attempt at a 'dictionary definition' he comes to the conclusion that it is impossible to talk of Will in human term, because Hannibal doesn't view him as another 'human'. The language Hannibal learns is the language of love and whilst he praises Will he too 'curses' him for destroying the old Hannibal and rebuilding him in Will image. Hope you guys got that... I've come to realise I am much better at coming up with concepts than I am at writing them so perhaps this explanation will be helpful.

The definition in the beginning is from the 'Oxford English Dictionary' - not mine. Also Caliban's speech is direct from the Tempest.


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